The Two Become One
This past year Covid has really taken its toll on many marriages. Without warning, couples were placed in 24/7 togetherness that usually comes only in post-retirement after many years of marriage and the wisdom of many years of experience. This has left many young couples without the wisdom of experience to guide them. Remembering first and foremost that Catholic marriage is a sacrament and that Christ is present in all Christian marriages is the first place to turn. Each of us is given a unique mission to serve God and He gives us helpers along the way. Many of us fulfill our missions through the vocation of service in the Sacrament of Marriage. Marriage is a unique gift for each couple because God intertwines our missions in such a way that serving each other also serves the community. In a Christian marriage, there are three people present: the couple and Christ. It is no coincidence that the spiritual world can be better understood by reflecting on our natural world. In architecture, the triangle is the strongest shape. Modern buildings in earthquake country use this fact in designing stronger buildings. Watch an office building going up and you will see the diagonals adding support to exterior walls. In order to sit on a stool, it needs three legs. When there are only two in a relationship, however, it is like a seesaw going up and down because that is what we humans do. It is the third person in the relationship, Jesus, that builds the bonds between us and stabilizes us. It is by God’s design that the three persons in a marriage mirror the relationship of the Blessed Trinity. Inviting Jesus to be an active participant in our marriages strengthens us. We can’t go any further without discussing the elephant in the room: if we all were engaged to perfect fiancés, where did these imperfect spouses come from? I know each of us has set about fulfilling the mission of our marriage: to improve our spouse. How’s that working for you? Probably as well as it worked for me, and no wonder – if I have extreme difficulty improving myself, how did I think changing my spouse was going to go? As it turns out, we assumed the wrong information. Our real mission is to get our spouse to Heaven. To do this, we must be willing to sacrifice our own selfish desires in order to serve our marriage. This may not sound appealing, but paradoxically, getting what I want may make me satisfied in the moment, but it does not lead to lasting happiness. Focusing on self isolates us from our spouse and leads to the contest of wills that always leaves one person feeling trampled and resentful. Real love is not a satisfied feeling; it is a decision to will the good of the other. Love is an action word. We find true happiness here because our sacrifice reflects the sacrifice of love Jesus performed on the cross.…
